Like a Japanesse Lace Leaf Maple...

I love fall... I love the colors changing, the smell of wind blowing, the long sleeves and pants coming out... Just the fresh crisp smell of it... especially the sunsets... that is one thing about living in Cache Valley... I have come to love watching the setting of the sun in it's vibrant colors screeching across the clouds... even today I gave into the urge, and pulled over to watch the orange disappear so fast from the tops of the sky down to the mountains edge.. all day there was a heavy, low gray blanket of clouds hanging over... but for some reason around sunset, they rose up and took shape!

A long time ago, I was in a class where the teacher compared the seasons of the year to the seasons in our life... I loved the metaphor, and for some some reason this fall, as all of the changes have taken place in the outside, internally I have felt the "winds of change a blow'n" ... yet I do not know the extent of the change that I am undergoing...

My grandma had a Japanese Lace Leaf Maple tree that she had planted at the bottom of her yard... I remember it was never very big when I would look out at it, but it had the most vibrant leaves on it.... but even fall comes to the little maple... which once was not so big, but now is about fifteen feet tall.. One random question I would alway ask people is, 'what is your favorite tree and why?"... this is the one I always thought of...

And yet here is another yoga analogy... there is the 'tree pose'  or other wise known as Vrksasana, is one that is as balance pose. I love the analogy that sometimes the wind blows, and the pose is not always steady and strong... but always, always it starts with the rooting down of our foot...

So where is our foot rooted down? Do was stay connected and rooted in those grounds that nourish and strengthen us.... as our arms reach out and branch out. Do we appreciate the opening up and outward expansion we offer or does that slight breeze that rustles the leaves create tension or do we appreciate it with a smile? Sometimes the wind knocks us down to our roots... but is that bad no, it gives us another opportunity to refocus and try again... I love this quote: ".... Our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble, but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward..."

So as the winds of life blow... smile.. relax and embrace the change....

Cultivate Loving Kindness

This was the theme for Yoga today... the instructor is one who is super mellow, and turns up the piano music a little louder then most of the others, so amidst the rain storms and night sounds the piano came out today...

I won't lie I was a little shocked when I came in this evening and it was just the instructor and one other guy in the class...So put my mat down not too far from his, grabbed a block and sat down... before I knew it there were students in training in the back to observe ... Usually I really do not like to be watched while I am in practice, but this teacher did a great job of drawing us in to practice, cultivating and returning to the idea of the steady breath throughout class...  Before I knew it I was so focused, I did not remember there was much of anyone anywhere, but focused on what I was trying to do, not even paying attention to the boy next to me.. A blow to my concentration and breath came when we came to tree pose... it was definitely a stormy day for me, as I tried to steady from inside and reach up and out... but everyone is bound to have stormy days... on occasion...

At the end of the practice as we settled into Shavasana she talked again about loving kindness... think of a person who always brings joy when you see them and talk to them, in their presence you feel happiness... (I thought of my nephews)... but then who do you want to pass this loving kindness on to as you cultivate it? As I thought of one who is not too close to many... I wondered how can I pass it on to this individual?

I love the word cultivate with loving kindness...It denotes work and effort that has to be put into creating the feeling of loving kindness...it is something that has to be grown, and will not just appear one day without the work... There are times where the growth is small, and there is little desire to work on the cultivation, especially when the storm beats down on tree... the roots seem to not stay grounded as we wish they would... but eventually the storm passes, the 'son' comes back bringing new light and energy helping us to see ways to refine, develop, and improve...

This is not the first time this theme of 'loving kindness' has been introduced into my life... I remember serving under President and Sister Walker. They wanted everyone who walked in from the world through the doors of the Salt Lake Temple to feel of the loving kindness in the temple from all of the workers... it was the theme for the year before they were released from the temple...

Acceptance

This was the theme today for yoga... and at different times today, I have drifted back to this theme as I have carried it from the beginning of my day throughout... When Jessica started the class this morning she mentioned that some times accepting things can some times make us feel as though we are freer.... So true...

Within me there is this person that not many see the side of often, it's the contemplative me, that I drift back to... often when I am tired, or in a super tranquil or even serene mood... mellow music, and even watching the snow float lazily down till it softly settles on the surface the ground... other times it's in the pinks of the sunrise or looking at the haze of foggy moon, and yes sometimes, it comes in sitting in the slimy, sulfury hot springs..

This quiet peaceful time of night or day can often be pushed on as we hurry here or there to complete the next task or events of the day.. frustrations with different things arise from within at often ourselves, and sometimes in the blame we even other objects or people...

But don't forget it...Accept... your day must go on, but acknowledge the stillness and peace that can be found in being still... and returning to that stillness, which for me is often at the start and end of my day....

And ACCEPT... there will be a new day with new opportunities balancing the fast accelerations around us with the stillness and calm that can be created and found...

"Bastion of Pragmatism"

So I had a blog I wrote a ton in... super personal thoughts I'd reflect up on and edit.... which I still intend to write in from time to time... but I also just needed a blog I could just write in more casually... and thus this began... only I never really got fully into it like I intended... so I went in and played with the fonts and did some stuff to it ....  so hopefully it will something I am more apt to post things in here and there...

So the title for today come from Thursday's work day... up at the high school...  Miraculously, all the students were gone by 4pm, each of us did our own thing with small talk here and there... at one point I think I pointed out to Anderson that he helps students too much, he gives them to much of the answer an does not expect enough out of them....

Out of the blue,  Beth pipes up and says something about each of our teaching styles -- Anderson does too much for the students, she's full of sarcasm, and then me... "Bastion of Pragmatism"... it drives me nuts when the kids want to cheat or do not care or want to have the answer given to them... I believe in making them work for it....

And that is about all for today... or tonight... but here is my attempt to recommit to writing in the blog....

Something funny... from the High School to my life...

Two funny stories...

This year, I have been working through Americorps at a local high school with their after school program. As students come in, we (myself and another student from USU) are there to help the students with whatever homework they need help with.

At the beginning of the week, I was sitting there helping on girl with her math, and the girl next to her got on her phone, and promptly began speaking in Spanish with her mom. It was a relatively short conversation... and she seemed to ask her mom how much money she made a year. I had to laugh, as I translated it out loud... I do not know Spanish by any formal means, but I have had a fair amount of exposure to it.. and I did take three years of French in high school...

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, the first girl working on her math next me, dropped her pencil in pure shock. "You know what she just said?!?!" Well yes... I think I do... "That is huge...!!" Huge?!? How could it be such a big deal, I wondered. "You will make it far with a Latino, man!" Ohhh... I smiled and teasingly said, "As long as he's rich, I don't mind."

This broke into a short question and answer period where they both proceeded to ask me if I was married, how many children I had, because I can have kids if I am not married...I think they talked more then I did through the conversation...

Now at this point (and not really at any point) I am not biased about the race of guys whom I have or will date.... and in Logan, Utah of all places, I can not afford to be picky... and money... well one can only hope, eh? But if not... I am sure I will be fine to, "come what may, and love it"...

The other interesting story from school this week, occurred in reading over a scholarship essay where the girl talked about overcoming Tichotillomania. (For those who do not know, it is where you pull your hair out...) and now I have studied so much I wonder I am developing that ... I would have never ever thought about that, if it was not for reading over and editing that essay.... So glad this week is almost over... one more test tomorrow!

Do you remember...the miracles??

"Do you remember?" seems to be the question of the day.  Rightfully so ... in my Dad's era it was Kennedy... In my 'era' the question is, "Do you remember where you were when found out about the World Trade Center on 9/11?"

Do I remember? Yes I was a student at WSU, and for some reason I had chosen to go into work, at the alumni center that morning... I walked in to our office, where three of us had our desks out in a common area (with little offices out to the sides)... Lorene had pulled TV stand out and was watching the news....the news I knew nothing about.. as it all unraveled... I sat there frozen in my chair... I remember watching the towers... then the pentagon...

But there were miracles? Yes there were... Lorene had actually work in the Pentagon... so when she called back to check with people... this is where one small miracle took place... for some reason... the wing hit... was the wing where construction had been taking place...thus... the least amount of people were impacted with that hit...

And there is also the amazing story of Rick Rescorla that always gives me chills....

So this 9/11 I encourage you to remember the miracles... and look forward... times are only going to get worse, but after all one wise man said... "... fear Not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith..." 

Timing of experiences...

I do not remember really 'meeting' Carol.. but I was told I needed to talk to her before I even knew who she was... after seeing a picture of her, I knew her as the sister who always smiled at people. I do not think I have ever seen her without a smile..

This summer I got to know her better, specifically one warm day in July as we walked a good part of 15 miles together one day...

Tonight as I saw her, and we reflected back we talked about some of the experiences we had... I told her in the moment I did not realize the impact of what my experience was and that it would have on me.  I  told her it was in sharing and testifying of what I had learned from it that I found the power behind what I learned...

Similarly, Carol reminded me of the following quote, "You can now more force the spirt to respond then you can force a bean to sprout, or an egg to hatch before it's time. You can create a climate to foster growth, nourish, and protect; but you can not force or compel: you must await the growth."

She shared how she tried to create one that was not for her to have, but yet when she was able to step back and look out, that is where her experience was born...

We shared with each other how we anticipated learning or growing in one area, by learning, studying, and praying, yet that was not the growth given...

Tonight, I was yet again reminded... creating the climate does not always determine when or what growth will take place... it only guarantees there will be growth... there are factors I do not control for the growth of my seeds -- temperature, light, and even the time to seed before the last frost... So wether my experiences are like the radishes germinating after 5-7 days or the parsnip at 14-21 days... If I have done my part, the seeds will grow... but because I am not the farmer of my life, I do not decide when these seeds are planted, rather I am the field hand. I trust the farm knows what he's planted and will direct me in my labors...